Kate Stephenson Is Taking Back the Breakup Song
Kate Stephenson is taking back the breakup song. Her new song “Exless” proves that you don’t need to have gone through a breakup in order to scream about one in your car. “Exless” is for everyone. It’s about how it’s totally okay to have never been in a relationship with someone and still feel hurt. The lyrics drive the track. The concept is empowering and awesome. I got the chance to ask Kate a few questions about the song. Read our interview below.
WHAT WAS GOING ON IN YOUR LIFE WHEN YOU FIRST GOT THE IDEA FOR “Exless?”
I was sad about a boy that I didn't date, which I think is pretty clear when you listen to the song. I was listening to these breakup songs and they weren’t doing it for me. I never even dated this boy, so I decided to write a song about that. I kind of just sat down and did it. I promoted it that night on Tik Tok and that’s when I realized that there was potential with the song and that people related to it.
YOU POSTED A TIK TOK ABOUT “EXLESS” THE DAY YOU WROTE IT. DID SEEING HOW WELL IT DID RIGHT AWAY PUT ANY PRESSURE ON YOU TO RECORD AND RELEASE THE SONG QUICKLY?
Yeah. I promoted it the night I wrote it back in February. It was my best performing Tik Tok of all time. I told everyone that I would get it out on my birthday, which is March 7th. But then, I sat down with it and realized I couldn't produce it the way that I wanted it to sound. I had to find a producer and realized that it was not going to be out in time. When it was finally done, I had no idea if anyone that wanted to hear the song after watching the Tik Tok was going to be brought back to it. There was a lot of pressure and fear that the song might not do well.
HAD YOU COMPLETELY FINISHED THE SONG AT THAT POINT OR WERE YOU STILL WORKING ON IT?
I had finished everything except for the bridge. That was another thing I panicked about. I was like, “I need to find a producer right now, but I haven’t even written a bridge yet. But it all worked out, thankfully.
YOU’VE PRODUCED ALL OF YOUR PREVIOUS SONGS BY YOURSELF. WAS IT WEIRD TO NOT PRODUCE THIS ONE?
It was definitely a new experience. It was also my first time stepping foot in a studio, too. I'd never recorded vocals in front of people, let alone people that I had just met. It was definitely different from what I'm used to, and it was hard to relinquish some of that control. I had this countermelody and I originally had more countermelody in the song, but I had to be like, “Okay you’re right. It makes sense to cut it.” Whereas if I were producing it myself, it would have been a very different sound.
WHEN YOU WERE THINKING ABOUT THE PRODUCTION FOR “Exless” WERE THERE ANY SONGS YOU TOOK INSPIRATION FROM?
The vibe is very similar to “drivers license.” There’s another song I really like by Luz called “the author.” That’s one of my favorite songs of all time. Up until this song, I’d produced all of my music by myself and it's all very singer-songwriter or folk-pop. “Exless'' is pure pop and I just couldn’t get there. I sent over those songs and was like, “Listen to these and please help me.”
I LIKED THAT YOU MADE A VIDEO TALKING ABOUT HOW IT’S OKAY TO HAVE NEVER BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP BEFORE. WHY WAS IT IMPORTANT TO YOU TO MAKE THAT VIDEO?
I was scared to post that. I thought that video was important to make because the song is about the frustration of not having dated anybody. It’s like, “I thought it’d be you and I’m so frustrated and mad that it wasn’t.” That’s a very relatable thing for a lot of people who haven’t dated anyone. I love that the song gives people that haven’t been in relationships the ability to scream along to a breakup song and have it be relatable. But, I also wanted to make sure that people didn't listen to the song and think that they had to be upset that they haven’t dated anybody. I wanted to make that video to make sure everybody knew that it's normal and it's totally okay to take things at your own pace. I had to make sure that all the people that were relating to the song, but maybe weren't relating to the frustrating side of it, still felt seen and understood.
PEOPLE OBVIOUSLY RESPONDED TO THE SONG BECAUSE THEY RELATE TO IT. IS THERE A LYRIC THAT YOU THINK IS THE MOST RELATABLE?
My favorite lyric is, “It’s not like I haven’t had a few heart breaks more than I've had dates.” I think that's pretty relatable for a lot of people because it is possible to feel heartbroken over a boy you’ve never dated. That’s my favorite one. But I do think that the line, “I just want to play the radio and shout a feeling that I know” is another relatable one. For example, like with “drivers license,” it's a great song, but I didn’t fully relate to it. I still screamed along to it— don’t get me wrong—but I think that was relatable for people and it’s also kind of ironic because now they can scream along with this one.
WERE THERE ANY OTHER BREAKUP SONGS YOU WERE LISTENING TO THAT YOU WISHED YOU COULD HAVE RELATED TO?
I listen to a lot of music, but I always forget what I'm listening to. I have this playlist called “girl ur unhinged.” But also, sometimes I’ll be scrolling through Tik Tok and I’ll see five videos in a row where people are talking about their exes and relationships that have gone wrong and wish that I could relate to those.
DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE TIK TOK SOUND OR TREND?
I do love the trend where you zoom in on your eye and turn it around. I also love “and nothing hurts anymore I feel kind of free” sound. They actually just put that one on Spotify. But I’m very bad at keeping up with Tik Tok trends.
ARE THERE ANY TRENDS OR VIDEOS YOU THINK PEOPLE SHOULD MAKE TO “Exless?”
I've been trying to think of something to do myself. I have no idea. Hopefully, people will come up with ideas because I’m at a loss. It would be cool to do something where someone says something and then the audio would be like, “But I don’t have an ex.” I really hope someone comes up with something creative because I've been trying to think of something for a while now.
I THINK YOU’VE DONE A GREAT JOB PROMOTING THE SONG ALREADY. HOW HAS TIK TOK PLAYED A ROLE IN HELPING YOU PROMOTE “Exless?”
Tik Tok has been exponentially helpful. A lot of the promotions did really well, which meant a lot of people pre-saved the song and got excited about it. It was also crazy because the video that did the best was the one that took the least amount of effort. It just resonated, I guess. I used to be a film student before I dropped out of college and I would work really hard on my videos. For that one, I was like, “I’m going to dance in front of my camera and hope people like it.” And then, over five million people saw it, which is embarrassing, but also really cool and really exciting. The app has been really, really helpful in terms of getting on Spotify Playlists and having people stream it.
IS THERE SOMETHING YOU’RE THE MOST PROUD OF ABOUT THE SONG?
I'm most proud of myself for getting together the guts to actually put the song out and tell that many people that I've never dated anybody. I'm proud of myself for building up the courage to do that. In terms of the actual song, I don't know. I’m proud of the whole thing. I like it a lot.
I JUST SAW THE SONG ON NEW MUSIC FRIDAY. HOW DID YOU REACT WHEN YOU FOUND OUT YOUR SONG HAD BEEN ADDED TO THAT?
It was crazy. I was about to order food at a restaurant when I got a text saying that I was on “New Music Friday.” I immediately walked out of the restaurant and spent a full hour processing it. I was so excited. I cried. I'd never been put on any Spotify playlist before and I was hoping it would happen with this song, but I didn't want to get my hopes up. Having it happen felt like a sigh of relief. Knowing that all these people were going to hear it felt good.
WHAT DO YOU HOPE PEOPLE WHO HEAR “Exless” TAKE AWAY FROM LISTENING?
I hope that people can connect with the song. I spent a lot of time being like, “All my friends are either dating people or have dated people and I literally am probably the only twenty year old that hasn’t.” The comment section on the video has totally proven me wrong. I think people listening to the song can not only be like, “that’s me,” but also feel a little less ostracized as well.
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW ABOUT THE SONG?
Just that I’ve written a lot of music and that if you like “Exless,” you should go to my Spotify and listen to the other music I have out. I’ve also got a lot in the works that I am really excited about, so there will be more.
YOU CAN LISTEN TO “Exless” BY Kate Stephenson ON STREAMING SERVICES LIKE SPOTIFY AND APPLE MUSIC. GO LISTEN AND MAKE SURE TO FOLLOW @twentyminuteslater TO STAY UPDATED ON FUTURE POSTS.
